Linking and such

Hey guys,

If can, can u not link this site on your sites? please Those who already have its ok since I did not say anything but for now lets keep this site a hidden indulgence before I have to censor myself Nobody wants this atrocity to happen!!! For what would this blog be if not for the swearing and ranting???

Nothing.absolutely nothing. I'd just be another cam-whoring poo poo who doesn't even write.

Till Then 

8 Kommentare 2.10.06 11:01, Comment

Oh my, I wouldn't mind having one.

2 Kommentare 4.10.06 05:39, Comment

Talk Cancer *this post will be kept here for awhile

I could start this by stating hard cold facts about breast cancer but I'll leave that to the professionals

Weirdly enough when I tried googling Breast Cancer awareness in Malaysia it wasn't that easy to find. Well to put it mildly, there isn't an official website from Malaysia about breast cancer. The only one I could find with difficulty amongst the medical journals and websites was a newspaper article mentioning that the beauty cosmetic industry AVON has a campaign called "kesan barah awal" (detect cancer early). When I tried to find the site for it, there wasn't any or I lack the skills to find it.This is quite dissapointing since I know more than 10 people who have been hit by cancer and out of that ten 3 of them have breast cancer.

Dilun left me a message to blog about this to educate people. I thought that was a good idea but while writing this I have changed my mind. I am not here to educate but to just ask for your time to read what I have to say. If you come out of this thinking 'gosh I should check more often' or 'gosh I should tell my mum/lover/girlfriend/sister/cousin/aunt/grandma'
to have frequent check ups than I have already done more than I could ever ask for.

So here goes ya.

My grandmother suffered and died from breast cancer.

My mother had breast cancer three times.

I'm afraid this gives me a very high chance of getting it as well if I don't start taking care of myself now.

I don't remember my grandmother the only recollection I have of her is seeing her lying on the rattan couch in the village. She had her oxygen mask on and I can remember her smiling at me when she thought I was looking. I remember my mother asking me to go down and play. As I was was leaving I saw the adults gather around my grandma and someone lifted her shirt and all I saw was bruises dark blue, green and purple surrounding her chest. I saw how grandma was grimacing in pain and how everyone spoke in hushed tones. "Tidak lama lagi" (it will not be long) I heard someone say and my mother turned around and saw me lingering at the doorway and she shooed me away.

I don't remember seeing her anymore after this, not even at her funeral. My dad came to pick me up and I saw a bag lying at the back seat. I ask him about it but he never said anything. Mum came home late that night with her eyes all puffy. She asked me why I never came, I didn't understand what she was talking about untill she spoke to dad and ask him why he never brought us there. He just turned around and left the room.

It didn't occur to me many years later that my father denied me the right to attend my grandmothers funeral.

One family member died to breast cancer.

We stayed in KL before but I don't remember for how long. It could have been a week, a month or many months. But I do remember the trips to the zoo and shopping malls. I think I was about 7 years old. This was when my mother found her first lump and it was cancerous. I thought the trip was a big long holiday when in actuality it was a trip for my mum to do her chemotherapy.

I don't remember when my mum found her second lump but I remember the time when she found her third lump. It was devastating news for everyone especially my mother who thought she didn't have to worry anymore. She didn't have to think about the painful treatments, the dizzyness, nausea, loss of hair and the roller coaster emotions. But she received news that the third lump was also cancerous.

Having to face this again, my mother had to make one of the biggest decisions in her life. It was a rough time for all of us. The saddest thing was I am ashamed to say that I did not support her as much as I should during this turbulent time in her life. She never once voiced out her fears to me but confided and cried to my father. I should have been more receptive to her needs. But I did tell her I loved her all the time. I didn't realise that we coud lose her because she always came out fine from her surgeries and treatment.

My mother was sick and tired of getting sick so she opted to cut her left breast out. She did it because she wanted to live. I never ask her how it felt but I think it was quite a blow to her feminity. I think my mother is courageous. I slept on teh hospital floor to accompany my mum after her surgery and I could hear hr moan sometimes in the night because she was in so much pain. Even painkillers were painful. Morphine would shoot up her system searing her and then lulling her into a fake web of blissfulness. My mother's recovery was not an easy one. For one she had a long angry red scar on her chest and simple things such as walking and sitting down was difficult. Lifting her arm was torturous but thats what she had to do whenever they changed her bandages. I don't think I was much comfort to her. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain she was in. The one thing I admired about her was her lack of complaints. She never ever complained. She was always nice to the nurses and doctors, and when she was grumpy she just kept quiet. I smile when I type this cause ironically enough I think she had balls "she took it like a man". Deciding to do surgery and losing one's symbol of feminity is not an easy thing to do. I think she made the decision because she did not want to end up like my grandmother.

Many yeas after my grandmothers funeral my mother told me that she could have been saved. She just needed to remove the breast that was infected and she would have been able to live. But my grandmother had the kampung (village) mentality. She told her family that she did not want to take surgery because people might think she was not a 'true' woman anymore. She would be a freak. I was very sad for my grandmother but more so for my mother and her siblings who lost their mother because she did not want to save herself.

Dont worry this story has a happy ending.

Now, my mother is fit and running and as sassy as ever (Also very
emotional at times as most mothers are). She has had breast reconstruction and she was joking to me that she could get bigger hooters. Well fortunately for me her hooters aren't bigger than mine but her stomach is flatter

Hear me nag cause you know it's good for you

Every woman has the chance of contracting breast cancer. Even if your family has had no history of it you can still get it because of your lifestyle, the way you eat, the clothes you wear, the amount of exercise you do and the genes you have. Everything is a factor that can lead to breast cancer. So start early, eat your vegies, drink water frequently, make sure your bra is fitted correctly and check yourself frequently. Lie on your bed or when your in the shower and rub your breast and armpit and check for lumps. Your never to young to start. If you start now you'll get familar with the lumps and bumps of your breast and would be able to quickly identify any changes to your breast.

Early detection is good but prevention is better.

You know, breast cancer not only affects the person who has it but the people around her. The people who care and love her. These are the people she would have to leave behind because she did not take care of herself properly. Just like my grandmother but the good thing is my ma learned from her mother's mistakes and because of that she's still here nagging me and I love it.

Till Then

p/s hey guys get the ribbon and do something creative with it. Send me the photos and Ill upload here or link you. THis is an opporturnity for the lads to join in.

18 Kommentare 6.10.06 08:32, Comment