What a weird and funny Saturday night I had.
Me and bron went to pick Jess from her place to go to Eddie's place
where we had scrumptious pizza made by Peggy (Eddie's bodacious wife)
to celebrate Eddie and Ralph's birthday as well as Joyce farewell party
as she is leaving for Malaysia soon.At Jessica's place I got to meet
their new puppy Bella!! So cute I gerigitan!!!
Till Then,
Woke up extra early this morning. I had the 7am shift today. So in preparation I went to sleep at 10.00pm. Good sleep my firiends, good sleep.
So, I got my fascinating sleeping patterns out of the way and now onto the more boring on-dits.
Winter serisouly is a hate it or love it season. I love it that it makes the sky look so magical with it's red pinkish tones that I hardly see on a summer evening. I loveto breathe and exhale the air that I can see from my lips. I like winter because I get to wear all my colourful, soft and fluffy scarves. I like winter because I don't have winter in Malaysia for Malaysia is this one gigantic heater 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 12 months a year. I have more valid excuses (as if I needed any) to lovingly cuddle Bronson during winter it makes hugging much more essential to the TLC of one's partner as now you have the duty to hug to keep each other warm.Winter is my excuse for not being able to attend my 8 o'clock classes.
However,
Winter sucks because it makes me sleepy ALL the time. It's makes my favourite past time (having a bathe) pure torture esepecially when you need to get out of the shower and into your clothes. The horror of waking up early in the morning and having to have a huge debate with yourself on why you should/shouldn't get out of bed at such an early hour with the temperature freezing your toes the moment their out to check how cold it is.Hence, the reason why I'm always absent for my 8 o'clock classes. Winter sucks cause it hurts to play football e.g your running all over the field and suddenly you really can't breathe cause it feels like your lungs got poured over with ice cold water and the cold is tightening your lungs to the point that tears come out. Playing DOD or CS is pretty tough in winter as you have to continusly rub your hands together to keep em warm while playing and die the moment you take your hands off the mouse (gloves are too chunky).
Well with all my mumblings aside, it's still good to be alive!
MUAKS!
Till Then,
Dearest,
I just don't understand, how people can just hurt themselves over and over again. I am not a prude nor an auntie or a preacher Nor do I pretend to know more things than other people (a prick, some say) I don't aim to be a know it all nor do I want to be a bitch. I am just confused.
How can a person sleep with men and say they enjoy it and then regret it afterwards. Instead of learning from that and become more discreet the reverse actually happens. I have a friend who is unhappy. She is unhappy about everything and nothing. What I mean to say is she says she's happy but she doesn't act it. She say she is content but she is restless. Sadly, she say she is liberated, then why do feel that she's caged in within herself slashing her wrist and not crying out for help instead she says it's normal.
I am not angry at her, I am angry because I feel like I am watching a horrible horrible accident which I feel that I can stop and yet when I try I can't. I really don't give a damn if someone is sexually liberated, if you like it and you enjoy it then good for you. I do give a damn when you have sex and then feel crappy and worthless the next day but you do it again because the chase is addictive, to feel wanted and to know that someone finds you attractive (even if it's superficial) is a drug you just can't stop taking. but when morning comes or even worse when the alcohol stops pumping and leaves a dull ache behind the eyes, a slight shrill twang in the ears and a heavy head is when you don't want to see that you have again woken up beside a stranger or no stranger but tell tale spots on the sheets, your underwear and bra on the floor and your shoes and clothes all over the place but nothing else.
No one is perfect. People make mistakes but to not learn from it and to keep going on and hitting the same bumps is just plain stupid. Don't give me excuses that you have no choice. No matter how dire the strait is there is always a choice!! The choice to do it or NOT to do it. Bloody simple. Life is simple it's only us humans that make it complicated for we are complicated beings but then sometimes we'r just too complicated for our own good.
I now understand when they say 'learn to love yourself before you learn to love others' How do we love another being when we cannot stand being in our own skin??? How do we change ourselves without hurting and self destruction? How do we say This is me, I am happy, I am happy being me, sincerely? How do I even begin to say how afraid I am for you?
Damn a rant. I am not use to having friends. I suck at friendship but when I am lucky enough to be granted a friend I will try my damndest to maintain that relationship. I don't know how else to help you.
I ache for her, for you, you bitch, wake up or I Swear to G** I'll slap a whole lot of sense into you.
Love you,
Audrey
Till Then,